According to a new study, one key factor influences how well or how badly children respond to the trauma of divorce: self-esteem. For every level of trauma children of divorce report, children with low self-esteem are likely to exhibit poorer ‘adjustment’ (coping) in the rest of their lives. The study in examined six to 18-year-old children of divorce who had experienced high conflict between their parents. In addition to self-esteem, the researchers looked at three other things that may influence how children cope with trauma: the level of parental conflict, the length of time since the divorce, and the degree to which the child felt informed and in control. These other factors did not, at least on average, seem to make a big difference to how well the children coped with trauma. Similarly, the only factor that the study measured differently in boys and girls was the children’s level of self-esteem: girls had less of it. The researchers recommend paying particular attention to supporting a sense of empowerment and self-esteem among children of divorce as a way to foster resilience in the face of trauma, especially among girls. The researchers found that children reported high levels of coping (the measures were not that different from children who had not experienced divorce at all) at the same time as they reported high levels of trauma. Higher parental conflict was linked to more trauma, and more trauma was linked to lower self-esteem and worse coping. These correlations have also been found in earlier research– common risk factors for poor coping include moving to a new home, changing schools, etc. But the link is far from absolute, and exploring why children of divorce respond to trauma in such different ways yields insights that can guide the design of support services for children of divorce. Children are active agents in their own coping, and self-esteem is a key component of this agency. Earlier research shows that children with higher self-esteem tend to attract more positive responses and support from others. Children of divorce don’t just have lives within their families, but draw support from other domains – wider family, friendships, and school. Positive experiences in these other domains can carry a child through trauma at home. Forty percent of first-time marriages in Utah end in divorce, and 50% of these couples have children. Around 20% of divorces are classified as high conflict – that is, they involve long-lasting conflict, hostility, criticism, inability to take responsibility and lack of understanding of the effects of parental behaviour on children. Divorce and Feelings of Self-WorthChildren whose parents divorced showed marked set-backs not only in interpersonal skills and feelings of self-worth but also in their maths abilities. They conducted a study on 3,600 six-year-olds whose parents were divorced or from intact marriages and tracked them through the next four years. They found that children from divorced parents had: You can do this by: A Secure WorldChildren who do not have stable, secure role models often look for relationships outside the home to provide them with what they are missing. Often, these relationships are not in their best interest, which is why a high percentage of children who join gangs or have inappropriate relationships at an early age are the children of divorced or separated parents. Parents going through a separation are grappling with a difficult time in their lives, but it’s important to keep marital and parenting issues separate, and be there at all times for your child. How you react to the separation now can affect how your child will react to various events throughout his or her life. Separation and/or divorce are never ideal situations when it comes to families. But you can minimize the disruption in your own children’s life by continuing to be their father, by seeing them regularly and having regular visits, and treating your ex-partner with respect in front of the kids, no matter what happened in the past. It’s important not only for their development today, but for their own self-esteem and happiness in the future. Here are other ways to help you foster your daughter’s self-esteem: 1. Lack of Commitment 2. Incompatibility and Growing Apart Of course, many couples live with and even relish their differences. But most successful marriages are based on a core of shared (or at least overlapping) interests, priorities, and values. Outward signs of incompatibility often go hand in hand with other common reasons for divorce—especially poor communication, which is next on the list. 3. Communication Problems 4. Extramarital Affairs 5. Financial Incompatibility: Money Disagreements Signs that you and your spouse are financially incompatible include when: 6. Substance Abuse 7. Domestic Abuse 8. Conflicts over Family Responsibilities Free Initial Consultation with LawyerIt’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Legal problems come to everyone. Whether it’s your son who gets in a car wreck, your uncle who loses his job and needs to file for bankruptcy, your sister’s brother who’s getting divorced, or a grandparent that passes away without a will -all of us have legal issues and questions that arise. So when you have a law question, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you!
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