Worried about representing yourself in court? Many parents wonder how to get custody of a child without a lawyer, either because of the cost of hiring one or for other reasons. Yet, custody proceedings aren’t necessarily the easiest first-introduction to the legal system. If you plan to head into court solo, here’s what you need to know: In legal terms, filing for child custody “pro se” means filing on behalf of yourself. In other words, without the help of a lawyer. For many single parents who want to file for child custody, but who cannot afford a lawyer, filing for child custody pro se is a viable alternative. Plus, even if you do end up working with a lawyer later, teaching yourself how to go through the process pro se can equip you to be your own best advocate. • Contact the court clerk: The very first thing you need to do is contact your local family court and ask the clerk how you can obtain the papers you will need in order to file for child custody without a lawyer. In some states, these forms can be printed right from your computer. In other states, you will need to physically go to the courthouse to obtain the paperwork you’ll need to file for child custody pro se. • Research child custody laws in your state: Make sure you have a solid understanding of the details, legal hoops, and fine print that could impact your case. This is tedious, time-consuming work, but understanding the child custody laws in your state will have a huge impact on your ability to represent yourself well. • Consider all of your child custody options: Don’t just automatically file for sole physical custody because you don’t want to live apart from your kids, or because you find your ex difficult to work with. Give consideration to every child custody option that is available to you, and carefully consider what would really be best for your children. • Maintain clear, detailed child custody documentation: Keep a record of each and every visit, phone call, email, and contact between you and your ex, and between your children and your ex. As best as you can, stick to the facts and refrain from using negative or derogatory language. • Pay close attention to all of the deadlines and dates related to your case: Many of the papers you will need to file will require follow-up activities within a given time period, such as 30 days. Do not miss a single deadline. In addition, keep all of your papers and materials organized. This will help you stay on top of the details of your case. • Consider whether you feel confident that you can get custody without a lawyer: Before you go to court, consider whether you feel 100% confident in representing yourself. If you do not, consider contacting Legal Aid to find out whether there are any nearby legal clinics where a paralegal or law student could review your case thus far and give you further direction before going to court. • In court, be polite and respectful at all times: Do not allow the judge to see your anger and frustration. Instead, focus on being pleasant and attentive, and stick to the facts of your case. • Do not give up: Getting custody without a lawyer is difficult, and you’re probably going to face some setbacks along the way. Stays focused on your mission and remember that what you are doing is 100% for your kids. This will come through in all you do as you work toward securing custody of your children. How to Get Sole CustodyGetting full custody is often what parents want to achieve in their custody case, but, many times, parents don’t know what it means or how to get sole custody. Understanding how sole custody works is crucial because you want to be sure that getting sole custody, also known as full custody, is what you really want. In addition, judges like to see both parents involved in raising your child. Getting full custody means you’ll have to show the judge why you’re the only parent who deserves custody. Sole Custody vs. Joint CustodyHow to gain full custody involves a certain strategy, but before you can get full custody, it’s important to know what sole custody is: How to Obtain Full CustodyFiling for full custody is the first step in the process of getting sole custody. The best case scenario is if your spouse agrees to your having full custody. This prevents fighting for full custody, is less expensive for everyone, and is also less stressful than a full-blown trial. You can file for custody even if you’ve never been married, so long as you have a child in common. Filing for custody if you’ve never been married to the other parent is similar to how to get full custody in a divorce, except there is no marriage. The requirements in cases with or without a marriage are the same, so long as the father has established paternity if the parties were never married. How Do You Get Full Custody of Your Son or Daughter?Whether or not you’ll get sole custody depends on several factors in addition to best interests and the inability to co-parent. Some scenarios that give you a better chance of getting sole custody are if:
Is There a Preference of Full Custody for Mothers?Most states used to award custody to mothers more often than to fathers. Now, almost every state has laws allowing both parents to get custody. As many fathers know, however, some judges still believe the mother should be the custodial parent. Some states are better than others in allowing either you or your spouse to have an equal chance of getting full custody. If you’re seeking sole custody, you should hire an experienced family lawyer. Custody is too important to handle by yourself. Dos and Don’ts for Winning Child CustodyThese dos and don’ts will help you present yourself to the courts in the best light and help you win your child custody case: • Don’t invent negative stories in an attempt to win custody: Never come up with unfounded allegations of abuse or exaggerate your ex’s shortcomings in order to win custody. Any lies you present will come back and be used against you in court. To get this transfer done right and to protect yourself in the future, you’ll need to draw up an agreement between you and the child’s mother. You can do this without a lawyer, but you’ll need to present this agreement to the local court for a judge’s approval. If you try to skip the court altogether, you put yourself at risk. More often than you’d imagine, the parent giving up custody changes his or her mind after a while and then denies there ever was any agreement. In that case, the parent accepting custody can get stuck with paying back support even though the child has been living with him or her during the whole time period. Make sure the agreement says that each of you intends that your son’s legal and physical custody be transferred from his mother to you and that all child support will cease as of a specific date (which you’ll choose and include). The agreement doesn’t have to be in fancy legal language, it just needs to make the important points in writing and include both your full names and that of your son. Then be sure you both sign the agreement in front of a notary public. Forward the agreement to the court that handled your divorce and include a letter asking a judge to adopt it as a court order. Also ask the judge to make an order canceling the deductions from your paycheck. A sympathetic judge will give you what you need to take to the payroll office and cancel the child support. An unsympathetic judge may tell you that you need to hire a lawyer for the job. But in truth, it is a very simple procedure and you should be able to get the court to do the necessary paperwork. Free Initial Consultation with LawyerIt’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Legal problems come to everyone. Whether it’s your son who gets in a car wreck, your uncle who loses his job and needs to file for bankruptcy, your sister’s brother who’s getting divorced, or a grandparent that passes away without a will -all of us have legal issues and questions that arise. So when you have a law question, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you!
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